March 1, 2008

Zoo visitor accused of tossing acorns at rhino

Whenever I get that question about what kind of animal you would be, I always answer a rhino. I guess since the tiger attack a few months ago, it's not so funny, but if I were that rhino, I would use that big horn and gore the fool. Then Mr T can pity him afterwards.

I guess I don't really care that much that the Hollywood writers strike is over. In fact, lately the one show I wish were on tv requires no writers. Just a man. Pitted against a beast. That's right, Man vs. Beast! Kobayashi vs the Bear in the hot dog eating challenge is my favorite. If you check out the video, take a look at the 'cage' which is holding the bear. It's looks cheaper than a backyard wrestling ring. What's more entertaining than watching a competition where a human competitor might get eaten alive?

When I become President, I'm bringing back the real gladiator games, not this steroid-filled American Gladiators crap on NBC. Instead of jail time, criminals could choose to battle an animal. They would fight animals ranging from lions and alligators to monkeys and ducks, depending on what crimes they committed. If they beat the animal, they would be pardoned. If they lost, they were lunch. This would be broadcast on pay-per-view on C-Span4. All revenues would go to education. Solving our crime, entertainment, and education problems all in one shot! That's change we can believe in.

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