Her friends think I'm a racecar driver. Her parents think I'm a chef. But all that really matters is she thinks I'm hot.

There is this strange phenomenon where all the girls that I develop an interest in decide to move out of the state for an extended period of time. This has happened twice. This time I really outdid myself and she is moving clear out of the country. Yeah, watch out ladies. The Supercal charm doesn't just drive women crazy, it drives them away.

We're both kind of new to this long distance relationship stuff, so we set a few rules. She can marry any German guy who is blond, 5'9", and has a name that starts with the letter H. (Got to watch out for those Hans and Huberts!) I can go out with anyone who is a perfect matches on all 44 categories from eHarmony.com.

I did just get my passport but I'm not sure if a visit to Germany would be the best thing for me, since the only things I can say are 'Wo ist die Bank?' and 'Ich werde dich ermorden.'