What a strange world we live in. It seems that many people care more about animals than fellow humans.

Example 1:
If I hear that any of you donated to the Barbaro Fund, I'm going to leave a horse head in your bed. Hundreds of horses die each year. It's just that some suffer devestating leg injuries because they are being trained to run really fast for rich people and others die when they don't run fast enough and get eaten by lions.

Speaking of being eaten by lions, I may have mentioned this before, but my favorite moment from Man vs Wild (a Discovery Channel show) involves a man, a dead zebra and lunch. Do not watch if you are planning to eat soon.

Example 2:
We can train horses for racing, but we can't train dogs for fighting. Yet it is perfectly fine for adults to get into an octagon-shaped steel fence cage and punch/kick/choke the crap out of each other. ESPN covered a UFC weigh in, and SI did a cover story on the UFC. So if a human want to inflict serious damage to another human's body, order the pay per view and get ready for a good time. But somehow it's not right for dogs to go at it with each other. I would think PETA or some animal activist would demand the same rights for canines as humans. If they want to fight, let them fight. That Westminster Dog Show should have a 'fighter' division.

Here's my idea: bring back Man vs. Beast. I would pay $20 to see Mike Tyson fight one of Michael Vick's pit bull. It's got to be better than that phoney De La Hoya fight a few weeks ago.

Example 3:
People in the Bay Area have been trying for a week to get two whales to swim back down the river and toward the ocean. Where's a marine biologist when you need one? (That's 2 Seinfeld references in a row for those of you scoring at home.) The 'rescuers' are making all kinds of noise and using water hoses to try to help these animals to get back to where they belong safely.
Yet when I drive down the wrong way on a one way street, people just give me the finger and call me unflattering names. Nobody helps me when I'm lost.


Please excuse me now, as I'm going to eat a few steaks and some fried chicken just to remind the planet which species God put in charge of the place.