December 12, 2006

"I bid $300,001 for the elephant, Bob!"

My pal Bob Barker is pledging 300k dollars toward moving an elephant from the LA Zoo to an animal sanctuary. This sounds like a very kind gesture, but then I read this part a little later in the article: "Earlier this year, the City Council approved a $39 million, 3.5-acre exhibit to house Ruby and a 21-year-old Asian male elephant named Billy."

Aside from Bob Barker straight player-hatin' on the Asian male elephant, don't you think the elephant would rather live in a $39M dollar estate than out in some jungle? $39 dollars can buy you half a season's worth of episodes on MTV Cribs. Next thing you know, he'll probably want to spay and neuter these elephants too.

But I also have to question how the city of Los Angeles can willingly spend $39M for an elephant house. I mean, sure it's going to cost a bit because you have to buy the extra large doors and custom bathroom fixtures, but I'm sure the elephants would be just as happy living in a large circus tent with clowns and acrobats. Do you realize how much money $39M is? You can feed every single person in Guatemala for 10 months. You can buy 39,000,000 junior bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy's. You can sign a starting pitcher with a 34-41 career record with a 5.87 ERA for 3 years. Or you can build an elephant house.

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