(Warning: This post is about fantasy sports. For people who actually have real things to worry about, feel free to skip this one.)

I want to slap Jamal Lewis. And I would if he didn't weight 250 pounds and spend the last 6 months in prison. Maybe if I just put on a football jersey with the number 97 on it, he will get scared and just fall down for a 2 yard loss.

At least there's fantasy hockey and basketball coming soon. I'm not a big fantasy hoops fan, but I did manage to draft both Darko and Zarko on my team. I'm looking to trade for Marko as well. Fantasy hockey is much more fun, especially with the steak challenge for the champion. (My hockey team names are the 5 Minute Majors and Ice Ice Babies. Fantasy Sports Rule #5: A good fantasy team name is just as important as having good players. Rule #9: Do not use the Snake Strategy. Rule #12: Get players with funny names.)

And here's a hockey lesson for you fans out there. Everyone knows that the 5-hole is between the goalie's legs. But many have debated where the 1 to 4 holes were. I have actually done some extensive research on this (instead of taking time to look for a job, I look this crap up) and have come up with a highly detailed drawing of the official results. (It was supposed to be a picture facing the goalie in net with a glove and goalie stick. It looks like Jason Voorhees holding a lead pipe and a severed head.)