December 2, 2004

I woke up and regained my ability to walk. Even at less than 100%, I felt it was too busy at work to start using my fake sick days, so I chugged a Rockstar energy drink to bring my energy level up to 87% and got ready for another day of youth ministry.

A few weeks ago, my job led me to adventures in dogcatching (Nov 18th post). Today, I wasn't in the building for five minutes when a bird flew in through the back door which was left open. This bird explored the rooms for a minute or two and then decided it liked it better outside. It saw daylight and flew straight for it.

Unfortunately, it was blocked by a window pane. On the stupidity scale, birds rank just above wooden blocks and just below donkeys (blockhead, birdbrain, dumbass in order of increasing stupidity). The bird bashed itself in the glass about six times and then decided to fly around the room some more before flying back to the same window and bashing its head another two or three times. So to help the bird out, I grabbed a roll of wrapping paper tried to push the bird toward the door again. I actually took a full swing at the bird while it was in flight, but it was like trying to hit a Wakefield knuckleball (only the bird travels faster). After a few more minutes and a few more Neifi Perez swings*, the bird finally found its way out the door. This left my energy level at 85% for the rest of the day, but it turned out to be enough. Kids are smarter than birds and can easily find their way to the door. Well, most kids.

(*A Neifi Perez swing is a swinging motion with a bat or stick that has a less than 2% chance of making contact with its intended target)

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