For some reason, I couldn't sleep this morning, so like my buddy Allan, I started thinking of ideas of what would make a good tv show. I hate 'reality' tv contest shows, but I decided if I couldn't beat them, I should cash in on them. I bring to you: Real Madness: The TV Reality Contest Show Championships. (I have not followed all of these shows, but I have watched at least 30 seconds of each, so I am able to make unfair and biased opinions of each one.)

Quarterfinal matchups:

1) The Apprentice vs 8) Big Brother/The Mole (play-in game winner)
Did anyone actually watch Big Brother or The Mole? The Mole sneaks by the group under house arrest in the play-in game and but is clearly overmatched by the top seeded Donald Trump.
Winner: The Apprentice. Even Omarosa couldn't mess this victory up.

4) Fear Factor vs. 5) Joe Millioniare
In what is the most evenly matched first round contest, will eating goat eyes while jumping out of exploding airplanes be enough to beat out chicks going after a guy who pretends to be rich?
Winner: Joe Millioniare. Stealing a page from Fear Factor's playbook and having hot chicks doing dirty and gross things allows Joe to meet Donald in the big money second round matchup.

3) The Bachelor vs. 6) Survivor All-Stars
The Bachelor may have gotten a higher seed than they deserve. The hot women factor may have helped Joe Millioniare to victory, but 25 women is not enough to knock off the original reality contest show. Besides, female viewers love to see the men romp around the island naked.
Winner: Survivor All-Stars. Survivor is still strong after all these years and they have reloaded with an All-Star cast. Poised for a championship run.

2) American Idol vs. 7) ESPN's Dream Job
William Hung and friends try to beat out a group of sports nuts speaking in the language of BooYah. The talent level of both shows are just about even, so it comes down to who can win the individual matchups.
Winner: American Idol. Paula Abdul, drawing on her Laker Girl experience, is able to beat Stuart Scott in the final round by correctly identifying the NBA logo as Jerry West.

Semi-finals to take place next week.