Mad Cal 2.0

2010-08-18T14:28:00.000-07:00

Cal's number one!

Especially sweet because the wife's school is number two.

We're a very competitive couple. When we play board games, we never let each other win. We try to beat each other by as much as possible. We apparently skipped the 'game etiquette' section of pre-marital counseling.

Yesterday, I won a game of Scrabble using the word 'refilmed' (with a 3x word score!) which I assumed to mean film again. Dictionary.com has refilm listed under other forms of film. The official Scrabble dictionary does not recognize the word. It has words like 'qat' (which I also used in the game) and 'hoya' but not 'refilm'. Of course, since there was no challenge, I got the points and the win.

2010-07-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

Quick, call Bruce Willis!

I just watched one of my favorite movies, Armageddon, last night. And today, I see this article.

I guess I better not watch another of my favorites, Snakes on a Plane, before I take my next flight.

2010-07-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

The next time I need to make a big decision, should I have a one hour show on national television or should I just consult my pet octopus?

2010-06-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

I voted today.

It wasn't a very exciting election because I have the non-partisan ballot, so I can't vote for a lot of the candidates I see on tv, but that's probably better.

I did cast a write in vote for San Mateo County Sheriff. And in case the other 300,000+ registered voters in the county decided not to cast a vote for the 1 guy officially running for sheriff, you will see me with a shiny new badge and gun!

2010-05-28T16:48:00.000-07:00

Life imitates baseball cards. Or in this case, basketball cards.

Antoine Walker files for bankruptcy

Back in my younger days, when I spent all my money on sports cards and comics, I spent a lot of hours and dollars collecting Antoine Walker cards. I liked how he played at Kentucky and he was pretty decent on the Boston Celtics. But once he got his big money contract, he got lazy and didn't play nearly as well as he could have. (You would think getting $13,000,000 in guaranteed money per season would make a guy want to grab a rebound once in a while.)

My Antoine Walker card collection (which includes many autographs and shiny cards) at one time probably had a book value of $2000 (real world ebay value, maybe 500 bucks) is now worth about $22 (real world ebay value 35 cents).

Am I ready to retire from collecting sports cards? Not quite. I've slowed down a lot and recently went to a card show where I bought zero cards. Well, I could have bought a few autographed Tim Lincecum jersey cards, but I decided to pay my rent instead. There is one card auction on ebay at the moment where a single card is going for over $16k. My max bid was at $12000.

2010-05-19T16:53:00.000-07:00

One-Eyed Jack ,) has been chosen as the mascot for the Olympics! The blue one wearing the crotchless pants seems a bit inappropriate to me.

2010-05-11T12:35:00.000-07:00

I'm going on a hunger strike. I'm not eating until it's time for dinner. It's a good thing I had a big lunch today.

From the story on sfgate:

Hunger strikers presented the administration with four main demands: that Birgeneau publicly oppose the Arizona law, make the campus a sanctuary for undocumented students and workers, rehire more than two dozen laid-off janitors, and drop disciplinary proceedings against dozens of students who occupied or vandalized buildings last fall to protest rising fees.

So they want
1) the chancellor to say he doesn't like what's going on in Arizona, even though it seems all of California has already expressed its outrage
2) to turn a college campus which belongs to the citizens of CA into an international city of refuge (not sure if the US will go along with this)
3) re-hire janitors who were cut because the state can't afford to pay them
4) give amnesty to a group of students who broke the law and damaged campus property

Why not just ask for a big bag of gold coins and demand world peace while you're at it?

I never understood the point of a hunger strike anyways. I'm not going to eat until you do things my way. Like I really care what happens to you. If you starve to death, I will have no opposition. If these students were smart (which they obviously are not, despite somehow getting into UC Berkeley), they would find a way to set up a reverse hunger strike. Nobody eats until I get my way!

2010-04-30T10:35:00.000-07:00

This blog has been slowly dying. I'll see if I can bring some life back into it these next few weeks.

I went to the dentist this past week.
'Do you floss everyday?'
'No, that's what I come down here once a year for.'
That 5 second conversation was followed by 18 minutes of continuous drilling.
'Are you doing okay?'
'Mmmmmnnnnn'
14 more minutes of drilling.
I did not get a 'I have a clean smile' sticker when I left.

2010-04-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

Mad Cal sports update.

Jeff Gordon is getting upset. Another week where he was so close to victory, yet unable to cross the line first. He's got to start driving like he's in the movie Death Race. One by one, competitors will go down as NASCAR's ratings go up.

Baseball season is here. The Giants look good so far. Well, except for Eli Whiteside. Buster Posey better be playing for the big league team by June. I would almost rather play with 8 guys and have every pitch bounce off the home plate umpire or roll to the backstop rather than have Whiteside in the lineup.

I watched some golf this weekend and was inspired to take my clubs out for some swings. But since it was rainy and windy, I decided to play some Hot Shots Golf on my Playstation instead. It's quite entertaining. If I get a birdie next time out on the course, I'm going to have my caddy say 'Tweet Tweet.' (Not Twitter related in any way.)

Go Sharks!

2010-03-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

Don't believe this article about hot to get on the Price is Right.

Here's the Mad Cal way:

1. Get a big crowd to go with you. The producers want people to cheer for you. If there is a group of 15 people and one of them get on, there's at least 14 people guaranteed to cheer. We managed to do it with only 5 guys because we're awesome.

2. It helps if everyone in your group is wearing the same t-shirt. That way, the cheerleaders are easily identified when the camera pans the crowd.

3. Look for tickets in the trash can. I'll admit, this took a sharp eye and a bit of luck. But we managed to upgrade from the standby crowd in the morning taping to being first in line for the afternoon taping.

4. Slip $20 to the producers during the 'interview.' You'll win more than $20 back in prizes. Think of it as an investment.

2010-02-14T23:58:00.000-08:00

One member of the Poon household likes Jane Austen. Another member of the family likes scary movies. So I put the two together and thought this would be an awesome book to get: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

It was probably not the best Valentine's Day gift idea. I probably should have just bought her the 55" tv with the Blu-ray player instead.

2010-02-11T13:18:00.000-08:00

The NES game Smash TV was only okay. Smashing a TV is much more fun. I should know. But people are going too far nowadays. There was that idiot in Louisiana who invited people to shoot his tv. And then there is this idiot: Man smashes 29 TVs with bat at Wal-Mart (Even though I really enjoy tv, I can't help but to always click on the tv destruction stories.)

At least he was smart enough to grab a metal baseball bat.

2010-02-08T00:36:00.000-08:00

For the record, my Super Bowl bets would have been:

- The over on Carrie Underwood singing the national anthem in 1:41

- The money line on the Saints to win outright

- The under in the point total

- I also won an unofficial bet I made with my brother at 100-1 that the Saints would onside kick to start the 2nd half.

I could have been a very rich man. But I will settle for watching the lousy Colts lose! That's why you play to win the game!

2010-01-18T11:43:00.000-08:00

Taco Bell founder dies at 86

I will pour out some hot sauce next time I order a volcano taco.

2010-01-18T02:47:00.000-08:00

Finally got to see Avatar this weekend. It was pretty good in 3D in the XD theater.
Who knew the Smurfs would grow up to be such a violent group!

The story was kind of cool, but not great. My only complaint about the movie was the weapons they used. (I've complained about this in other movies too.) Why is it in every futuristic sci-fi movie except Star Trek and Star Wars that people still use machine guns? They have the technology to build spaceships and a freaking $20,000,000,000,000 avatar lab, but still use bullets and grenades that are minor upgrades from the WWI days. (I just watched 'The Andromeda Strain' and even they had lasers in their defense system. This was the 1971 version of the film.) More evidence that if we ever were attacked by space aliens, we don't have a chance.

2010-01-13T22:38:00.000-08:00

Mad Cal health update: I currently have 9 toenails. Other than that, I'm completely healthy.

2010-01-07T13:31:00.001-08:00

I'm working on putting together a Career Day at my school. If you would be interested (or know someone who would be) in participating, please contact me!

Details: Wed 1/20/10 9-11am at Fernando Rivera Intermediate School located at 1255 Southgate Ave in Daly City.
Speakers will have about 15 minutes per class, and will see 4-6 classes. Talk about what you like about your job, what makes it fun, and what training/education it took to get there. You do not have to be a great public speaker. Liking your job or liking kids is enough to qualify.

I came across this list of the top 200 jobs for 2010 by Careercast.
I didn't see my job (educational advisor) there, but teacher is at 116. (Teacher's aide is at 81. Go figure that one out.) It's right above Sewage Plant Operator (117) and just a shade behind the Maytag repairman (114).

2009-12-23T08:17:00.001-08:00

Minor victory of the day: Discovering Bravo still shows the West Wing!

For a few years, my local Comcast provider moved Bravo from channel 48 to 140-something, where I would never look for it. This morning, I was flipping channels and noticed 48 came up in the regular rotation. Even better The West Wing was on! It's only one of the top 5 greatest shows ever made for tv. The other 4 in no particular order are Arrested Development, Seinfeld, Battlestar Galacica, and ~~Grey's Anatomy,~~(oops) Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

2009-12-22T14:42:00.000-08:00

I just picked up a planner to use for 2010. It was an 18 month planner, and even though it started back in July 2009, I didn't get 33% off the thing.

I also noticed that all the 18 month planners run from July to December of the following year. Are there a lot of planners that end in the month of June? Or do people who rely strictly on the 18 month planners just ignore Jan-June events every other year or are there 6 month planners that cover half the year?

2009-12-21T20:25:00.000-08:00

Top 5 Christmas songs:

5. The Little Drummer Boy (just for the ba-rump-ba-ba-bum part)
4. Where are You, Christams? (Faith Hill)
3. Jingle Bells (Batman Smells version)
2. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Andy Williams)
1. All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey)

2009-12-09T23:26:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, I beat up a tv with a bat. Okay, I tried to beat up a tv with a bat.

That's nothing compared to what these guys did to a 60" tv. Of course, I'm not nearly as drunk or redneck as those guys.

2009-12-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

It's been a productive morning in the goodwill department. I donated some toys (Jeff Gordon race cars!) for needy kids. I helped an elderly lady cross the street.

This probably means that I'm going to be kicking dogs and stealing kids' candy this afternoon.

2009-11-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

NASA hopes to free Mars rover from sand

Taken from the article:
Spirit had traveled 4.8 miles from where it landed in 2004 when it got stuck on April 23. It had just rounded a small plateau the scientists call Home Plate and was driving across a patch of sandy crust when it broke through and sank hub deep. An effort to free it by getting the rover to spin its wheels to gain traction proved futile; the rover just sank deeper. By May 5, mission controllers gave up and began working on a new strategy.

For $400,000,000, you would think the Mars rover would come with roadside service or some emergency rocket boosters. For the price, I'm also not impressed with the vehicle's top speed of .0001095 mph. It does have a great GPS and video entertainment system. In NASA's defense, they did get a buy one, get one half off deal on the rovers.

The part of the article that surprised me wasn't that the rover got stuck in a sand trap. (I know that can happen from experience on a golf course.) It was that it was stuck on April 23rd and NASA spent a week and a half literally spinning its wheels before declaring their plan wasn't working. And then they've been working since May 5th to come up with this new plan to spin its wheels some more. And these guys are rocket scientists? I guess it really doesn't take an astronautical engineering degree to figure out how to change a light bulb.

I can't believe some people seriously think we should send people to Mars or to live on the moon. The way NASA runs things, a $900,000,000,000 People to Mars mission will have to be aborted when the crew runs out of toilet paper or peanut butter.

2009-11-11T12:57:00.001-08:00

More evidence watching tv can help enrich your life: I cooked brussel sprouts today.

Up until a month ago, I had eaten brussel sprouts only once in my life. I remember it tasting really bitter and gross. I think my brother and I expressed our displeasure so greatly that our mom never made it again.

But watching Food Network shows has opened my palate to trying new foods and new cooking techniques. I decided I wanted to give brussel sprouts a second chance, but I was deciding on the best way to cook them. (Lots of butter and bacon was my initial idea.) We went out to a restaurant about 2 weeks ago and ordered some roasted brussel sprouts that were pretty good and not at all like how they tasted 20+ years ago.
So today I roasted some of my own, and even without the bacon (just olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic and butter), it turned out really well. (Even Allison said so. And she's been watching all these cooking shows and now critiques food like an expert.)

I believe our next Iron Chef competition is coming up next month. Since we won the last one, we can pick the secret ingredient. Just be ready for the possibility of brussel sprouts ice cream.

2009-10-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

I tried the Black Jack Taco from my favorite Mexican restaurant. It ranks above the chicken soft taco, but it still can't beat the Volcano Taco.

Try one for free this Halloween!

2009-10-26T09:53:00.001-07:00

When there are kids around, all the wall sockets have that plastic plug thing in there so kids don't stick stuff in there and get zapped. Now that I'm an adult, there are no such safety measures in place at my home. That means I am free to poke electrical sockets with my screwdriver. Why would I do such a dangerous thing? Because I can.

Whoever painted our apartment before we moved in painted over all the wall sockets. This made it incredibly difficult or impossible for me to put any plug into the outlets. (I would have just replaced the outlet itself, but it seems they crazy-glued the socket covers in place before painting over them too.) I tried to use non-conducting stuff made of wood or plastic to chip away the paint in the socket, but it didn't work. So I decided to used a screwdriver. I was wary about the 'sticking metal into an electrical socket' thing, but I'm not Amish and I need electricity, so I figured it was worth the risk.

And I guess better lucky than smart, because it seemed to work. I was trying to be careful about only holding on to the plastic handle on the screwdriver, but I did catch myself touching the metal a few times. It might have been a bit unsafe, but I've got to open up a few more outlets for the potential 2nd tv in the living room. Hopefully, the risk will result in a proper reward.

2009-10-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

I hate the rain. Absolutely HATE it.

I want to punch Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman for making the movie Rain Man. I want to break the legs of any group doing a rain dance. I want to shut down strip clubs so thugs can't make it rain.

I understand cars drive slower in heavy rain. I have no problem with that, since even NASCAR doesn't race in rainy conditions. But this morning, as I was driving to the school where I work, cars were lined up for 2 blocks to pull into the parking lot. It's never this backed up. What was happening was instead of just pulling in to drop off their kids and wish them a nice day of school, parents were pulling in, getting an umbrella out, running around to the other side of the car, then walking their 3rd grader the 15 feet to the school building so they can stay dry, then running back to their cars, put their umbrellas away, and then drive off. The kids are already bundled in snow parkas with hoods on. Let them walk in the rain for 5 seconds!

When I have kids, I'm going to drop him/her off 2 blocks from school and have them walk from there so I can avoid all the parents doing the umbrella thing. (Unless if Rihanna is doing the umbrella thing with her kids at the school.) Then I'm going to drive home and call in sick because I hate going to work in the rain.

2009-10-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

2 of the past 3 nights, I've stayed up late to watch Apollo 13 on tv. (Around the household, late now means 11:30pm.) I've seen the movie many times. I even have it on DVD. But once that oxygen tank blows up and strands the 3 astronauts in space, I need to see how they can get back to earth.

I'm always amazed when I remember that it was a true event. I think about all the planning that goes into a space mission, and then how suddenly everything changed and how fast they had to work on the unexpected rescue mission. Granted, the movie version probably has a Hollywood spin on what really went down, but I have to believe that just about the whole nation felt a little better when the crew returned safely. It's kind of cool to have everyone rooting and working for a common goal.

If the Apollo 13 saga took place today, there would probably be less of a feel-good movie atmosphere around the event and a lot more people drinking the Haterade. Critics on tv would talk about how incompetent NASA is and how much money the program is wasting. Some bloggers would advocate leaving the guys in space and pretend to really mean it. Martians would threaten to scoop up the disabled spaceship and conduct research on the astronauts.

Maybe that's why I like the movie so much. It reminds me that people can work together to accomplish great things. Of course, I also love movies like Snakes on a Plane.

In an unrelated note, our government crashed a satellite into the moon today. I would have sent Bruce Willis up there with a nuclear bomb instead.

2009-10-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Allison just finished reading a The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I just finished reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid. We're an educational bunch here.

I have actually read the Lion, Witch, Wardrobe book. It is one of the rare books that is a movie where I read the book and have not seen the film version. That's only because there was no film version when I read it, or else I would have saved some time by popping in a dvd. I realize that the book and movie versions of the same story usually have some variations or have some parts changed, but if I have a choice between a 2 hour movie or a 257 page book, give me the dvd.

2009-09-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

Upon further review, the Cal football team = Al Bundy

Just when you think there is a chance to succeed, the rug gets pulled from under you.

Today's game stunk more than a pair of Al's socks, but unfortunately, the team was a bit less useful (start at about the 1:50 mark).

2009-09-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

Javhid Best > Al Bundy

Go Bears!

2009-09-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

The Day After

What I learned from our wedding:

- Sucking in your stomach for 8 hours is hard work.
- 3 piece suits can get hot.
- People like ice cream.
- People love the smoked sea bass from the Canton Restaurant (seriously one of the best tasting dishes I ever had)
- Guys wearing fake mustaches are entertaining.

Allison and I are both truly grateful for the generosity of our family and friends, who not only gave us an outstanding amount of gifts, but also contributed many hours of hard work to make our wedding day awesome.

2009-09-01T00:41:00.001-07:00

Last week, I realized my days of eating cereal and pizza rolls for dinner at 9pm are probably coming to an end.

I don't mind not being able to eat junk food for dinner. My Iron Chef trophy will attest to the fact that I am an above average cook who does not rely solely on ramen. There are a few other adjustments I will have to make. Like saying goodbye to my $2 blue plastic plates and using nice china. And having to use less pepper, less salt, and less hot sauce. But the biggest adjustment isn't even food related: it's not watching tv while eating. That's going to take some time to get used to.

To make grocery shopping easier, we will alternate cooking weeks. I can let you know when it is my week so you know when to come over for dinner. Or not to come over.

2009-08-19T13:29:00.001-07:00

Street parking isn't so easy to find in Japantown where I work in the summer. It's made even worse by all the construction going on in the area. It's made worse by the freaking 2 hour parking rules which I will abolish once I am President.

I saw an open stretch of sidewalk as I was walking to my car, preparing to move to a new spot. It was between 2 driveways and there was enough space for 2 cars to easily fit, so I was going to drive over and park there. I see a driver in one of those little Smart Cars pull up to park in the spot. No problem, there will still be plenty of space for me to fit behind the car. Then she backs up and parks her tiny half-ass car right in the middle of the 2 open spaces.

I don't mind if a huge truck does this, since nobody else can park there anyways. But the point of having the tiny little car is so you can find parking anywhere easily. I found it ironic that she was making parking more difficult for other drivers. What a jerk!

Of course, I was not cool with this. After I parked about a block away, I walked back to the little Smart car, gave it a push and put it on its side. Park at 90 degrees, sucker!

2009-08-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

Joey Chestnut is to hot dogs as Cal is to ________

a. Pepsi
b. bacon cheeseburgers
c. eggplant
d. cough drops

If you answered d, give yourself a point.

I've been sick for almost a week. When you have to use sick days from work, it's not as fun as the cough-cough-sick days.

2009-08-05T13:24:00.000-07:00

This is awesome: Snakes in a Car

It should be made into a movie. I will admit in addition to owning Snakes on a Plane, I have a lame ripoff named Snakes on a Train. But without Samuel L, it's not quite as good.

2009-07-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

I just read that Taco Bell has a deal with the Colorado Rockies where if the team scores 7 runs in a game, fans in the Denver area can get 4 tacos for $1 with purchase of a drink from 4-6pm the next day. Not that that promotion would do fans in the San Francisco area any good. Even Freddy Sanchez can't help the Giants that much.

2009-07-22T14:04:00.000-07:00

"No quiro Taco Bell."

The Taco Bell chihuahua has died. If there is a limited edition Gidget Memorial Taco in the next few days, I'm sure you are wise enough to pass on it.

A few days ago, someone mentioned that I was probably going to die from eating so much Taco Bell. Using some high level math equations, I did some quick calculations and figured I'm on pace to consume almost 4600 volcano tacos or cheesy beef burritos in my lifetime. That's more than a million calories! And no, I do not order the diet soda to go along with my order.

Of course that's a rough estimate because the 'lifetime' part could be affected by the number of Taco Bell orders. But if the little dog made it to 15 years and each dog year is 7 human years, I should be able to make it to 105.

Taco Bell just replaced McDonald's as the NBA's offical fast food sponsor. The 100 point chalupas are coming back!

2009-07-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

This morning I found a potato bug on its back in the bathroom. I don't how it got there or how it got flipped over. It was wriggling back and forth with its 40 legs to try and get back upright. The little bug started taking breaks to rest up and then would struggle for a bit, then rest again. I decided to do the humane thing and flush the bastard down the toilet. PETA would love me.

Speaking of PETA, the Running of the Bulls was recently completed in Spain. Check out the link and the description of the July 8th run: One man received a horn injury to the gluteus. Unfortunately, this incident does not appear to be on the video clip.

2009-07-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

Some people are movin' on up to the east side.
Others like me are movin' on down to the west side.

2009-06-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

I just discovered the Bay Area Rescue Mission got some coverage in the NY Times last week.

Just a reminder that non-profit organizations still need help to help others.

2009-06-22T17:13:00.000-07:00

Someone who I had not seen in a few months told me yesterday that it looked like I lost some weight. This might be true. I used to weigh 220 pounds. I attributed the weight loss to 2 things.

1. The Iron Gym. Most guys I have talked to recently either have one or want one. It's about $30 anywhere you go, but you can't put a price on having awesome muscles.

2. I'm poor. I'm supposed to be saving money toward a wedding, so I'm cutting back on my costs. Instead of 3 items from the Taco Bell, I only get 2. The calories from that third volcano taco really add up.

2009-06-15T17:12:00.000-07:00

The Lakers featuring Kobe Bryant win the NBA title and the city of Los Angeles celebrates by rioting. I never understood this. Shouldn't the fans in Orlando be the ones who are upset and committing acts of vandalism? Maybe that's why the Warriors can't win a title. NBA commish David Stern probably has some deal with local authorities in place that forbids teams from Oakland and Detroit from being champions because the ensuing post-game championship rioting would be a public danger to society.

If my church softball team wins the C league title, you can bet we're going to tear up the city.

2009-06-08T23:28:00.000-07:00

I went with the 8th grade students to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom (or as I still call it, Marine World) today. For all the tough guy talk from the kids, lots of them were too chicken to ride Medusa, the only roller coaster worth waiting in line for.

We had some time to kill, so I went with the other teachers to watch the Shouka show, featuring Shouka the killer whale and a bunch of dolphins. I guess it is easy to be impressed by the dolphins and whale doing flips and splashing the crowd on cue, but I know they only do it because they get a fish (or in Shouka's case, a bucket of fish) after every single trick they do. Imagine getting a cookie every time you sent a work related email. The trainers were not pleased when I yelled 'Free Willy!' during the performance.

After the show, I was inspired again to train a goldfish to jump through a hoop of fire. A goldfish might not be 5000 pounds of muscle like Shouka, but it also doesn't have to jump as high either. If it fails, I guess I can always have fish for dinner. I hear goldfish tempura is quite tasty.

2009-06-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while, but Mad Cal is still alive and kicking. (And kicking well. I just punted a little poodle a good 18 feet.) The site is going through some renovations, so please be patient with us as we strive to make your blog-surfing experience even better than before.

2009-05-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

I choose not to drink. I'm not lactose intolerant. (My body tolerates all kinds of sugar.) I just like drinking beverages like Pepsi more than milk.

However, in my continued quest to improve my health by cutting out soda, I have started drinking more milk. (It's either milk or beer. Can't have a Bud Light at 9 in the morning.) Today I drank mocha flavored milk. Last week I drank strawberry milk. At home, I just finished off a half gallon of chocolate milk. I only drink white milk with a bowl of Lucky Charms and it must be at least 2%. I can't stand the nonfat or 1% stuff.

I guess I really like the artificial colors and flavors. Allison got me a healthy version of Lucky Charms called Marshmallow Oaties, where the package says 'no phony flavors or colors' and it's not quite the same. I like it when the milk changes color because of the phony colors and flavors in the marshmallows. I should convince some company to add more artificial colors and flavors to milk. Green mint or blueberry flavored/colored milk would be cool.

I'll still offer $50 to anyone who can drink and keep down a gallon of at least 2% milk within an hour. If they make the blue milk, I might do this myself some day.

2009-05-12T01:35:00.001-07:00

Just about everyone knows I never cry. Not if I got stabbed in the leg. Not while chopping onions. Not even if I got hit by a bus. (By the way, I determined I could get hit by a bus at 15 mph and just get up and walk away. It hasn't been tested of course, but I'm more than 95% certain a 7 ton vehicle at a mere 15 mph wouldn't keep me down. If it gets up over 20 mph, it might do some damage.)

Last week, I was talking to some folks about how some movies can get guys to tear up a bit and almost cry. Even tough guys like me. I can think of three such movies.

A war movie where Tom Hanks and friends die to save Matt Damon (Saving Private Ryan), a overly dramatic space movie where Ben Affleck almost dies but saves the world as Bruce Willis dies (Armageddon), and a movie where Sean Astin gets to play football (Rudy). Even though I have all three of these on dvd, if I catch a scene of any of these movies playing on tv, I usually watch it to the end.

I also have to add that these movies have not actually made me cry at any time. It's still just almost. I might crack if we bring back the 3 tv setups and had all three movies on simultaneously. Or if someone ever made a dramatic film featuring athletes in spaceships involved in a war that was not called Starship Troopers.

2009-05-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

Check this out: Snakes on a plate!

I've seen Bear Grylls kill and eat plenty of snakes on Man vs. Wild, but he always cuts off and throws away the head. I don't know if I'd really like to eat snake meat unless if I were in a survival situation. I do wish I had tried some of that fried scorpion on a stick when I visited China last year. Maybe someday I'll have to try some zebra meat too.

Anyways, today's lunch will be the grilled chicken from KFC. And yes, I have been eating my share of pork to rid the planet of swine flu.

2009-04-25T22:20:00.001-07:00

I have a solution for curing the world of swine flu: bacon wrapped pork chops.

Taken from the CTV.ca website:
Can people catch swine flu from eating pork?

No. Swine influenza viruses are not transmitted by food; you cannot get swine influenza from eating pork or pork products.

Warning: the above information does come from a Canadian website, so I thought they might just be trying to leak bad info to the US and plan to attack us when we're all sick with pig flu, but then I remembered that Canadian bacon is pretty good, so I decided to trust them.

So, if we eat all the pigs, then presto, no swine flu. Since most Americans are fat enough already, we could probably ship off the bacon wrapped pork chops to third world countries to end disease and world hunger at the same time. What a great Miss America answer! I might have a little trouble in the swimsuit and evening gown departments though.

2009-04-23T00:03:00.000-07:00

I like playing softball. It's for guys like me who dreamed of being professional baseball players, but then found out we lacked the required skills.

I'm not a superstar, but I consider myself a pretty decent player. However, this season I seem to have lost my ability to hit a softball. This is usually not a hard task in slow pitch softball.

In the past when this happened, the solution was simple: I just got better bats. So I can't blame the equipment. I'm pretty sure I don't suck. (Okay, like 80% sure.) But something was messing me up. Tonight, after another lousy hitting game, I think I figured it out.

From MLB rule 1.04
It is desirable that the line from home base through the pitchers plate to second base shall run East-Northeast.

The reason for the east-facing fields is so the afternoon sun doesn't blind the batter when a 90 mph fastball is being thrown at him. And even though we play softball at night and the average pitch speed is about 14 mph, the optimal standards should still apply.

There are currently 3 different fields that I play games on. Only one of these fields has the proper east-northeast orientation. I'm 5-6 with 2 HR in 2 games on that field. In the 6 or so games on the west-facing fields, uh well, think Albert Pujols, but the exact opposite.

Or I guess it could be that tougher steroid policy.

2009-04-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

My favorite movie comes to life: Snakes on a Plane!

This is the best part of the story:
A reptile expert searched for the 6-inch (15-centimeter) -long snakes but did not find them. It was not known if the snakes were still on the plane or if they had somehow escaped outside after the plane landed.

That means there is a small chance snakes are still on the plane! Or maybe even ghost snakes! I'll see when Samuel Jackson is free and then we can book a flight to Australia. I've never been so excited to fly anywhere. Besides, I've always wanted to eat a koala.

2009-04-13T23:46:00.000-07:00

I've been eating somewhat healthy the past two months. No Taco Bell, KFC, or any burger place. I did sneak in one meal from Popeye's last week. But I can still appreciate a good fast food commercial. Jack in the Box and Sonic commercials always crack me up. My current favorite is from Burger King with the Sir Mix-a-lot cameo.

The really strange thing is that I've stopped eating fast food and I stopped drinking soda, but I'm getting sick more often. I guess my body became dependent on Taco Supremes and Pepsi and my immune system doesn't function as well now. It might be time for a check up with Dr. Pepper.

2009-04-10T00:51:00.000-07:00

It's Easter.

Bunnies are mammals. Mammals do not lay eggs. (There are a few exceptions called monotremes. I know this because I studied biology in college. And because I know how to use wikipedia.) I still don't know how bunnies and eggs got associated with Easter, but once again, the all-knowing wikipedia has some ideas.

I do know that the reason I celebrate Easter is because Jesus lives so I can live.

2009-04-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

For those of you who actually have some extra cash and would like to help out a good cause, look into the JCYC Chibi Chan auction. The proceeds go toward the pre-school program of JCYC.

Some of the more entertaining items I found were under the sports memorabilia category. A baseball autographed by Cy Young winner and current San Francisco Giant Barry Zito has a listed value of $75. Value of a Kristi Yamaguchi autograph photo: priceless.

2009-03-24T00:54:00.000-07:00

It's a sad day for all you single girls who fall in the 18-34 demographic. Mad Cal is now off the market.

2009-03-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

I am wearing green underwear today.

According to the never wrong Wikipedia, part of the legend of St. Patrick is that he drove the snakes from Ireland.
And approximately 1600 years later, there was a movie created in his honor. Of course, I am speaking about one of Mad Cal's all time great films, Snakes on a Plane. I didn't even know Samuel Jackson was Irish.

(The 4th clip on the right has one of the best movie lines ever. Rated L for strong language.)
(It looks like the clips appear in a random order. It's the 13 second clip from the movie that starts with just Jackson in the frame.)

2009-03-16T22:41:00.000-07:00

Mid-March means another year of bracket fun. Since I havent' watched any college hoops, I'm keeping it simple. I'm bringing back a few of my classic rules for this year though.

-No directional schools or non-state 'State' schools. I don't know what category East Tennessee State fits into, but it's in the loser column.

- No school named after people. As great as Stephen F Austin and Robert Morris may have been, they are going into the loser column.

- Avoid as many automatic qualifiers as you can. Those are the happy to be here teams.

- The only stats I look at are opponents' fg % and a teams' 3 pt shooting %. Cal is the leader in 3 pt %. Memphis is a number 2 seed the leader in opp. fg %. If they meet in the second round, this is where my unmovable object meets the irresistible force, or something like that. At the risk of losing the $1,000,000 bracket challenge, I have Cal surviving the first weekend.

2009-03-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

3D baseball cards

It's kind of a cool idea, but probably not cool enough to get me to start buying baseball cards again. If I get a CC Sabathia card, (weight listed at a generous 290 lbs) will the 3d image block out my entire screen? If I get an A-Rod card, will my cpu suddenly work faster?

I'm only about 16 cards away from completing my Hall of Fame San Francisco Giants collection (Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Juan Marichal, Gaylord Perry, and Orlando Cepeda. Barry Bonds gets the asterick because there were way too many cards produced after 1980.) However, the remaining 16 or so cards have an ebay value of $4,000,000*, so it might be a while before I get my Willie Mays rookie card.

*Number is greatly exaggerated for effect.

2009-03-04T16:40:00.000-08:00

From CNN: Asteroid passes close to Earth

Here's the quote I found scary: "If discovered in advance and with enough lead time, there is the possibility of pushing it off course, if you have decades of advance warning," McNaught said. "If you have only a few days, you can evacuate the area of impact, but there's not a great deal [else] you can do."

Armageddon with Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck is one of my favorite movies. It's super dramatic, with a good balance of action and humor. But I don't know if NASA currently has astronauts trained to pull off that kind of stunt with a week's notice.

In fact, I don't think there is any kind of real life asteroid defense plan other than duck and cover. (Think about the other more boring doomsday asteroid movie, Deep Impact) With the millions of asteroids flying around space, it's a miracle a big one hasn't smashed into our planet yet.

My plan: Build a base on the moon and equip it with a giant laser (Austin Powers 2). Then search the earth for young men and women who display exceptional skill playing the Missile Command video game and have them defend the planet (The Last Starfighter). So when I become President, don't be surprised when I order video game tournaments for the sake of national security.

2009-03-02T11:16:00.000-08:00

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

I couldn't find my umbrella this morning and was hoping to borrow one of Rihanna's to stand under, but it looks like she is busy trying to rehab her relationship with with Chris Brown.

2009-02-24T00:21:00.001-08:00

Guess whose birthday it is today?
If you said Admiral William Adama, you'd be correct!

In a tribute to the old man, Jack is offering 2 free tacos today.

2009-02-21T23:14:00.000-08:00

The other day I was at Safeway buying all sorts of healthy foods like celery and fruits (seriously!) when I saw this amazingly green pudding. And since it was only like a buck, I had to get it.

It doesn't really taste like green apple, but I don't really care. It's green pudding and I like eating things that are colorful. Jelly Belly also makes other flavors of pudding: very cherry, bubblegum, watermelon, buttered popcorn (ick!), and the brilliantly colored blueberry.

In a related side note: I'm always looking for naturally blue foods other than blueberries and blue potatoes and blue corn chips. My favorite unnatural blue food is the Oreos with blue cream filling.

2009-02-18T13:52:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year where players report to spring training and get ready for another year of baseball. I recently started my own softball training program which involves finding a distant cousin in China who can get me some special 'medications' that will allow me to hit 400 foot bombs.

Here's my favorite softball video ever. EA sports, it's in the game! I would seriously buy a PS3 just to play this game.

2009-02-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

I'm not a big superhero movie fan, but I finally saw The Dark Knight. Everyone told me it was a great movie and it was. The next movie I really want to see: Watchmen.

I've been seeing billboards for this movie everywhere, but I finally saw the trailer during a commercial in the Daytona 500. If you want to sell something to me, NASCAR is the way to go. I'd like to thank HP, Microsoft, Comcast, Warner Brothers, all the Watchmen people, Blogger and the Google folks, and especially Pepsi for making this post possible today.

2009-02-13T01:23:00.001-08:00

I'm currently hooked on ESPN's Streak for the Cash game. I used to think it was dumb, and it is, but I'm still completely sucked in. If you can pick 27 winner in a row by the end of March, you win $100K or some large amount of cash.

My streak currently stands at 5. I just need 22 more correct picks in a row. (Current leader is at 18.) I've had 2 different streaks of 3 broken when I picked against the Warriors this past week. My next pick is that Kenny Perry will have a better 2nd round score in the than JB Holmes in whatever golf tournament is going on at Pebble Beach.

Picks breakdown by sport since I started playing this game:
NHL 3-0
International soccer 2-0-1
Golf 1-0
College hoops 6-1
NBA 0-3 (Where streak busting happens!)

If Kenny Perry pulls through for me, I'm going to enter my first NASCAR pick: Kyle Busch in the truck race. I can't wait until they get some rugby or lacrosse action in the game.

Update: Kenny Perry bogeyed the 17th while this JB Holmes loser birdied 3 of the last 4 holes to kill my streak.

2009-02-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

Mad Cal's Loser List:

1. Chris Brown - A man who hits a woman is a jerk. When that woman happens to be Rihanna, words cannot describe the punishment this man deserves.

2. Alex Rodriguez - Apparently, steroids don't help you hit better in the playoffs. At least he pretended he was sorry. I hope he hits 68 home runs to help the Yankees finish in 3rd place.

3. Rep. Anna Eshoo, D-Palo Alto - Made this comment last week regarding passing a bill that will delay the conversion to digital tv: "We are not ready for this transition. We can fix these problems and minimize this catastrophe if we pass this legislation." Banks are going crazy, people have no jobs, but at least we don't have the catastrophe of not being able to watch Dr. Phil on tv. (To be fair, I probably should add most of our elected officials on this list right now, especially those in California.)

2009-02-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

Well, Kurt and the Cards covered despite getting screwed by the officials.

I watched most of the game. There were only two commercials I really liked.
The first because it had MC Hammer and Ed MacMahon doing an infomercial and the second because it involves punching small animals.

2009-01-31T02:18:00.000-08:00

For what it's worth, I like my man Kurt Warner and the Arizona Cardinals.

2009-01-24T18:44:00.000-08:00

Next Iron Chef might be Battle Bacon. Who doesn't like bacon? It's the number one reason people aren't vegetarians.

I saw some version of bacon and chocolate on the Food Network once and thought it might be nice to try. I just happen to have some bacon in the fridge, so maybe I'll just eat that with my Snickers bar for breakfast tomorrow.

2009-01-21T23:30:00.000-08:00

I took Allison to her first hockey game last year. The Sharks lost.

We went to a Giants game in the summer. The Giants lost.

We went to her first NBA game tonight. The Warriors lost.

She's a great date and has never been to a football game, but just to be safe, I better keep her away from Memorial Stadium in Berkeley next fall. Cal football has a Pac 10 title to win.

2009-01-16T00:53:00.000-08:00

It's a good thing I have cable, or else I would have to get that stupid converter box to watch tv. I've given up on the '24' series. (Hopefully Jack Bauer won't kill me for saying that.) I'm not watching Hannah Montana as much anymore. I'm even cutting down on my Spanish tv shows. But there is still lots of television that needs to be watched. I miss the legendary 5 tv setup of 5824. (Bonus points if you can identify everything that is on screen.)

Bear Grylls is back with more Man vs Wild.

Mario Lopez, Lil' Mama, and friends are back for another season of America's Best Dance Crew.

Of course, the best show in the history of space travel: BSG

The DVR is going to be busy.

2009-01-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

I occasionally think of myself as a race car driver. However, NASCAR drivers take their cars into the pits for service every hour or so in the course of a race. I, on the other hand, have taken my car in for service once every never since I bought it. I remember having a mechanic check it out when I got it, but that was back when the odometer was at 35,000 miles. It's currently at 107,000.

I avoided taking it in for regular service for 2 reasons. It runs just fine and I'm poor. That's partly what encouraged me to start doing my own auto repairs whenever possible. The other part was the slight chance I would get to fill in on a NASCAR pit crew in case of a super-emergency.

NASCAR crew chief: Oh no, our rear tire changer's foot got run over and due to the financial crisis, we had to fire our backup tire changer. (Turning to the fans in the stands) I can't believe I'm saying this, but does anyone here know how to operate an air gun?
Mad Cal: I took the tires off my car to fix the brakes a few times. And I watched Days of Thunder more than once.
NASCAR crew chief: Good enough. Get in there!

But I guess there are some things under the hood that I cannot do myself. And so, I have decided to fork over an arm and two legs to a local auto shop. Yes, two legs, because I thought I would be all green and environmental by using my bike this weekend while I left my car in the shop. Going out is easy. Coming back, not so much. But I guess I could afford to sweat off a few of the holiday pounds I put on the last few weeks.

I keep talking about using my bike to get to work on a regular basis, but living on top of the highest hill in Daly City has helped me decide to accept the consequences of global warming instead. I like the warmer temperatures anyways.

2009-01-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

We had another Iron Chef challenge this past week. The secret ingredient, as selected by defending champions Norman and Elaine, was eggs.

Teams were supposed to make 2 appetizers and 1 dessert.

Peony and Shirley made a salmon egg thing and a spinach artichoke thing along with some flan.

Peony had to pick up a new partner after Garson got tired of losing and dropped her. Since Peony usually has problems cooking anything not pasta-related, I was really impressed with this team's food.

Allan and Selina made a parmesan flan with tomatoes and basil, arpege eggs, and a creme brulee.

This team got a lot of points in the artistic department. They also disproved my theory on cooking, which was 'if it looks good, it probably tastes good.' The arpege egg thing (some sort of soft boiled egg with whipped cream served in the shell) also unofficially won the 'scariest to eat' award.

Norman and Elaine made an egg salad, an egg custard croissant, and some sweet egg soup with quail eggs.

The defending champs provided some tasty offerings. Unfortunately, since they showed up over an hour late, they pretty much lost any chance of repeating as Iron Chefs.

Allison and I made a deviled egg dip with pita chips, ham and cheese sandwich on french toast, and a chinese egg tart.

The other teams weren't as impressed with our homemade daan tats as we were. We didn't get too fancy and decided to focus on making our stuff taste good.

In the end, the winners of Iron Chef Battle Eggsand holders of the Golden Whisks: Allison and Cal! This means we get to pick the secret ingredient for the next competition. I'm leaning toward chicken just so I can make chicken ice cream.

However, there is some bad news, as we had our first case of major sickness involving Iron Chef food. Perhaps we need to make iron stomachs a requirement for judges.

2008-12-30T01:12:00.000-08:00

All the holiday potlucks are over. Good thing too, because I think I gained close to 28 pounds the past 2 weeks.

During this year's gift exchanges, I actually did not get my own gift back as I had been doing the past few years (usually because I followed the 'bring something you would want' rule).

The one for work, we each made a wishlist online. I wished for a 37" LCD tv, but happily settled for a Rihanna CD instead. I still listen to a lot of country, but Rihanna has been number one in the 2008 Mad Cal music rankings.

I got a paper shredder in another gift exchange, after I had 3 different gift cards stolen from me. My identity isn't really worth stealing (currently a $43 value), but it's nice to know that anyone who wants to steal it will now have to do it 1/4" strip at a time.

2008-12-23T02:27:00.001-08:00

When you stay up late to watch tv like I do, you see some interesting things for sale. There's a few 'How to make millions on the internet' CD's. There's drugs for male enhancement. There's exercise machines to help you lose 30 pounds and 12 inches fast. And then there's this: Historic Victory Plate.

This is funny to me for a few reasons.
First, straight from the website: Due to the unprecedented demand, there is a strict limit of 2 Victory plates per order. I was hoping to get a set of 6 so I could use it when entertaining guests.
Second, it reminds me of the old Joe Schmo real-fake-reality contest show from a few years back. For some reason, my roommate Danny loved watching that show. It was all a setup with actors and one 'contestant,' but the funny thing was whenever someone got voted off the show, the host would take a plate with that person's face on it and throw it into the fireplace. It is worth the 18 seconds to see this in action. I wonder if Republicans are buying these up in anticipation of someday smashing the plates. Perhaps that is what is causing the unprecedented demand.
(Of course, today it seems like everyone in San Francisco is already mad at Obama and the man hasn't even officially started yet.)

2008-12-15T12:07:00.000-08:00

If you watch news on tv, I'm sure you've seen this video of the attack on President Bush.

It reminded me of a scene from one of my favorite spy movies featuring Mike Myers and Liz Hurley.

(There's also a scene from the beginning of the Pam Anderson movie Barb Wire where she uses footwear as a weapon, but since the video is not safe for minors, I won't link it. You'll have to youtube it yourself.)

If anyone ever tries to throw a shoe (or a knife) at me, you would be in Big Trouble because this is what I would do.

2008-12-09T22:05:00.000-08:00

I was almost a senator in the state of Illinois, but the auction got pulled from eBay with a few hours to go. Too bad because then I could have voted to give myself a 45 million dollar bailout.

2008-12-05T01:32:00.000-08:00

Found on sfgate via the AP:

Man allegedly assaults girlfriend with burger

Thursday, December 4, 2008

(12-04) 20:28 PST Vero Beach, Fla. (AP) --

A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. An Indian River County Sheriff's Office arrest report said a 22-year-old man and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

The report said the man would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face. The pair got out of the car, and authorities say the man again took the McDonald's sandwich and put it on her face.

The man was released on $1,000 bond Wednesday.

If I could write a screenplay for this story, it would go like this:

Scene 1 In the car

Man: Did they put ketchup in there for my fries?
Girlfriend: Yes. Let's go inside and eat.
M: I want to eat in the car.
G: Let's go in. There's more room on the dining table than the dashboard.
M: I'm hungry now. (Getting angry.)
G: I don't want to make a mess in here. I'm going inside.
M: Give me my burger! I'm hungry! (Uses power lock to lock door.)
G: You're not letting me out of the car? Fine. (Tosses soda out car window.) There goes your soda!
M: Well, here's your burger! (Smashes cheeseburger in her face.)

Scene 2 Outside the car

(The couple exits the car)
M: Oh wait, you left something in the car. (Reaches in to get cheeseburger that was smashed in her face.) Here, finish your burger. (Smashes burger in her face again.)

Scene 3 The police station

Police officer: Bail will be $1000.
M: Aw man, that's a lot of McChickens!

The end

2008-11-30T19:16:00.000-08:00

I had a couple of days off from work so I decided to play auto mechanic.

On Thursday, I found out the hard way that I needed a new car battery. (made me late for football. Cars in NASCAR have 2 batteries, just in case the main one fails during a race. Unfortunately, most stock vehicles only have one. So on Friday, I went to Costco, bought a 4 pack of car batteries and went about trying to install it in my vehicle.

Every time I attempt to do work on my car, here's what happens:
1. I look up tips on how to do it online.
2. I start removing the broken parts off my car.
3. I realize I don't have a certain tool or that another part I don't have with me also needs to be replaced.
4. I need to borrow someone else's car (since my car is missing a wheel, brakes, or other essential part at this point) and drive to Kragen.
5. I put the pieces back where I think they belong.
6. Say a quick prayer.
7. Start the car and hope it can drive.

This time was no different. (I decided to replace one of the battery cables because it had been corroded by the old battery.) But at the end of the day, a new battery was in the car, nobody got electrocuted, and the Camry rolls again. I also changed the oil and put on new wiper blades. All I need now is for someone to wash the thing for me and it'll be good as new.

2008-11-26T00:51:00.000-08:00

If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

When I first saw it, I thought 'Wow, that's a good deal on a 12 pack of Pepsi.' Of course, upon closer inspection, it was the newer 8-pack. On the shelf, it looks just like the 12 pack fridge box, but once you take it down, you can see it holds 4 less servings. Was there really a need to create an 8 can box? I guess 6 packs are now only reserved for beers and my abs.

My favorite holiday drink: Cranberry Splash Sierra Mist

2008-11-16T22:36:00.000-08:00

I was in the Sunday papers. And not it was not in the police blotter. (Sorry, can't quite make it fit on the page. Click to see full image.)

2008-11-12T18:35:00.000-08:00

Our refrigerator stopped working for a few days last week. It gave me a chance to play America's favorite kitchen appliance related game, "Does It Need Refrigeration?"

This game is actually not as fun as it sounds. The correct answer for most items of course is 'Yes.' The smell from the fridge can make it challenging though.

Here's some of my findings:
Milk - Yes
Pepsi - No
Butter - Yes
Tofu - Yes
Frozen peas- Yes
Anything that wasn't green, but is turning green - DQ
BBQ sauce - No
Mystery Tupperware container - Apparently not
Items with 'refrigerate after opening' labels - Not sure, but leaning toward no

At least this was safer to play than "Can It Be Microwaved?"

2008-11-08T12:22:00.000-08:00

I got a tetanus shot yesterday. Most people know that you can get tetanus from stepping on a rusty nails. I just learned that you can get tetanus from any deep wound that are contaminated with dirt or bacteria, not necessarily just rust. But if given a choice of how to afflict an opponent with tetanus, the board with nails still ranks at the top.

2008-11-05T01:41:00.000-08:00

99% of precints are reporting, and it's close, but I think we can now conclude that Mad Cal is awesome. More election news later when that final 1% finally gets counted.

100% of the votes have been counted. And it's confirmed. Mad Cal is awesome.

2008-10-29T11:34:00.000-07:00

Halloween isn't something I celebrate, but it can be a fun time. There's the free candy. There's women and teenage girls dressed like porn stars in public. The best thing is that it means another sequel to Saw is in theaters. I don't pay $10.25 to watch very many movies, but I am a big fan of this gruesome horror series.

The fifth installment can be summed up in three sentences: Worst. Saw. Ever.
By far, the poorest written story of the bunch, way too lame and predictable. The film depended too much on flashbacks explaining the previous movies. The death traps weren't even that great. In fact, this was the first Saw movie where I felt if I were in those live-or-die situation, I would be able able to escape with no problem.

Vh1 is currently having yet another reality competition called Scream Queens, where the winning actress will get a part in Saw 6. (I think it's going to depend on which girl is willing to get naked with the director.) I am hoping that next year's movie will be better, but if roles are being given out via a tv show, the Magic 8 ball is telling me 'outlook not so good.'

2008-10-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

Baseball is waiting to crown a World Series champion. So much for it always being sunny in Philadelphia (10pm Thurs on fx). Guess I can't blame them for not playing. I'm the guy who used to call in sick on rainy days.

Baseball, more than any other sport, is about statistics and numbers. 714, then 755, now 762 and 73 HR's. 300 wins, 200 hits, all cool stuff. But I think it goes a little too far now during the tv broadcast. I don't need to know that Shane Victorino is batting .265 with 2 outs and runners on 1st and 3rd and a 2-2 count or that Rocco Baldelli is batting .271 vs left-handed pitchers in night games on the road.

If the Giants want to be in the playoffs next year, they should hire Mike Singletary to be their manager. Or go out and sign Manny Ramirez.

World Series Taco notes: Taco Bell is offering a free taco to everyone today (10/27) between 2-6pm because someone stole a base in the World Series. Not sure how staling a base relates to tacos, but I'm not complaining.

2008-10-22T00:56:00.000-07:00

Even though I'm still sleeping from 10pm to 3am, here's a few photos from our trip.

Jeff Gordon doing a Dukes of Hazard stunt over a temple

Witness the greatness that is the Chinese wall

Late night snacks for the locals

My family in the Forbidden City

Also in the Forbidden City (Nothing but the best for the Emperor!)

Doing our part to defend the city wall in Nanking

Then my brother literally breaking down walls in China. Management was not pleased.

Me performing unarmed robbery

Jeff Gordon and sweet scented osmanthus

Mad Cal: international superstar

Cars on display in Macau

Night view of Hong Kong

2008-10-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

I've still got a few days in HK, but here's an update on the China list:

- See the Great Wall
It was one of the tour stops in Beijing. Due to the rain, I would say the wall was only above average at best.

- Punch a panda
Done. Couldn't find a real one, so the stuffed variety in the gift shops will have to do.

- Get married so I can obtain a green card
I asked a girl to marry me and she got me a glass of water. Either my non-existent Mandarin skills are worse than I thought or there was some local custom that I was unaware of and I may in fact be married right now.

- Find bootleg copies of BSG
Did not find any in China. Might have a chance here in HK.

- Protest something
I protested the way people on scooters in China think they can run over pedestrians in crosswalks and marketplaces. I refused to get out of the way for honking scooters and occasionally would speed up or slow down just to get in front of a scooter trying to cut through the crosswalk. One guy grazed my hand with the side of his cart.

- Run a lap at the Bird's Nest Stadium
I tried sneaking in to the stadium and got caught by the police. I did run the 400 meters back to our bus in a world record 42.87 seconds.

2008-10-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

Things on to do list for China:

- See the Great Wall
- Punch a panda
- Get married so I can obtain a green card
- Find bootleg copies of BSG
- Protest something
- Run a lap at the Bird's Nest Stadium

2008-09-29T22:57:00.000-07:00

Someone's face almost got up close and personal with my nunchucks.

A few months ago, my parents decided to plan a family vacation to China. They found a travel agency from some Chinese newspaper and got a pretty good deal. I went through the process of getting my passport and started saving up my vacation days. We were scheduled to leave SFO this Thursday.

The travel agent didn't seem to be all that great. It seemed every time my parents called in to check up on the trip status, she kept asking for more papers and documents that she failed to collect or notify us about previously. She kept insisting that everything was okay and would get done on time.

Last Thursday, a friend of my aunt was scheduled to depart on a similar trip to Asia from the same travel agency. They went to the airport and found out there were no tickets for them. They were unable to contact the travel agent. They went down to the travel office and found it completely cleaned out. I think my aunt told my mom about it on Friday.

On Saturday, my mom tried to call the agent. Nobody answered the office phone. She finally got through on the cell phone, but got some story about being in the hospital and would take care of things later, which was exactly what she told my aunt's friend a few days before.

On Sunday, my parents went to the travel office in Chinatown and found it empty. They had our money and our passports, visas, and whatever other documents we turned in. My parents filed a report with the police and discovered that a whole lot of folks had also very recently filed reports against this travel agent.

This was where I went into Mad Cal mode. I would not have minded if something came up and we had to cancel our trip to China and just got a refund. I'm sure even my parents might have been okay with that. I was upset that they took our stuff and tried to run. All I needed at this point was a name, a phone number, and my special edition 5824 nunchucks. I would have used the spiked flail, but this was going to be in Chinatown, so you know, I had to match weapon to environment. I was going to use my now empty vacation time to serve up some vigilante justice.

Then this afternoon, my family calls me to tell me the trip is back on. Apparently the FBI or SFPD finally got a hold of this travel agent, who was calling all her clients trying to make amends. My parents got our passports and documents back and went around the agent to get our trip booked. She still owes us money though, so I'm hoping I can still use the nunchucks.

So on Thursday, we head off to the land of Chinese food. Of course, over there, they just call it food.

2008-09-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

I met a student named Benjamin Franklin today. There is a Benjamin Franklin Intermediate School in our district. Too bad he doesn't go there. When you go to a school bearing your name, you get all kinds of privileges. At Cal, I was able to do things like skip lectures, eat in class, and demand that professors give me a C+ just because the university was named after me.

There are some times when I think parents could have chosen a different name for their kids. I can only imagine how much harassment this kid will get in 8th grade when they study our country's founding fathers.

If your last name is Jordan or Jackson, don't name your kid Michael. If your last name is Hugenkiss, don't name your daughter Amanda. And no matter what your last name is, never name your child after a fruit or tv channel.

2008-09-16T16:36:00.000-07:00

I hate it when football coaches don't coach to win. (Just ask Herm Edwards)

Take for example Cleveland Browns coach Romeo Crennel.

Week 1: Cleveland is trailing Dallas 28-7 in the 4th quarter, meaning they need 3 scores to tie the game. On 4th down at the opponent's 17 yard line, they kick a FG to make it 27-10, meaning they are still down 3 scores.

Week 2: Cleveland is trailing Pittsburg 10-3 late in a game played in 60 mph winds. With 3 minutes to go, facing 4th and 7 at the PIT 21, they kick a FG to make the score 10-6. Your team needed a TD to tie the game. Your team has not scored a TD in the first 57 minutes of the game. Now you are going to depend either recovering an onside kick (which they did not do) or kicking off deep, using your timeouts and defense to hold them, then hope to get the ball back with at most 2 minutes left, and then score your first TD of the game? I believe going for the 7 yards would have been the better move.

Any doubt why Cleveland is sitting at 0-2? And because I had PIT -6.5, this gets CLE put on the blacklist. Usually I fault the team for failing to cover the points, but it was clearly CLE's inept coaching decisions that cost me this time.

2008-09-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

You know a lot of things don't make sense to me.

If a person came into my backyard and climbed up in my tree and decided to live there so I couldn't pave over my yard to put in a basketball court, one of three things would happen:

1. I call the police. They get him out of my tree and toss his butt in jail for trespassing.

2. I go to Home Depot, buy the biggest chainsaw I can find and start chopping away.

3. I use my tree to start the biggest bonfire ever seen. We can roast the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. (This would be the most fun. Try and get down now, tree-loving bastard!)

It has cost us (it's taxpayer money, right?) over $750,000 in security costs and added another $20,000,000 or so to the cost of building the sports facility. I don't understand why UC Berkeley has had so much patience with these idiots in the trees. If you want me to refer to you as Flying Cricket or Ocho Cinco, I am not going to take any of your 'demands' seriously. These idiots also have probably ruined any chance that any legit Save the Whales type group will be taken seriously in the future.

People want to protest everything now. Lots of protesters today seem to think if you are loud or obnoxious enough, then the other side will finally see the light and agree with them. Strangely enough, this is the same unsuccessful strategy employed by many 6 year olds. Let the trees stand. Chop the tree-sitters instead.

2008-09-05T23:13:00.000-07:00

One of my rules of dating: no matching outfits under any circumstances. My girlfriend should not look like my twin sister. If we somehow end up dressing alike when we go out, one of us will either have to change or lose the shirt. Hopefully this won't ever happen at any place that has the 'no shirt, no shoes, no service' signs.

Allison and I did get matching laptops this week. Sharing power cords is so hot.

2008-09-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

Whenever there is a hurricane coming near land, I think it's dumb that cable news reporters feel the need to put on a raincoat and stand out in the rain to tell everyone stuff like 'Looks like everyone has followed the evacuation orders' and 'It's really windy here! Back to you in the studio.'

If that were my job, I would call in sick. Of course, when it just rains here without the 135 mph winds, there are times I used to call in sick just so I don't have to leave the house. Some days, even heavy fog will be enough.

Every Monday should be Labor Day.

2008-08-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to the Beavers of Oregon State! One day into the college football season and you have already made it on to the Mad Cal Blacklist.

2008-08-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

Now that the Olympic games are over, I can let loose with a few complaints.

I can't believe race-walking is still and Olympic sport while softball and baseball will not be. Who was the first idiot to challenge someone to a race on foot with the stipulation that you cannot run? Why not add race-hopping or race-skipping as official events?

I hope the Chinese gymnastic team members are 12 years old. Here in sports-crazed America, ESPN glorifies 14 year old basketball phenoms, 12 year old golfers who can shoot 9 under par, and if a 7 year old can throw 91 mph, he might get a $4M signing bonus from the Yankees right now. Yet if we get beat by young athletes from other countries, we complain. (The NBC folks were completely hating on the Chinese girls.) I'd be more embarrassed than upset if I got beat by a little kid at a sport I spent my whole life training for. Leads to my next point...

Why are some athletes and coaches so devastated and disappointed by a silver medal? I realize they have spent probably 14+ hours a day for 14+ years training for their 3 minutes of Olympic glory, but a silver still means you are 2nd best out of 6,000,000,000+ people. That's not too bad.

How come every competitor in table tennis was Chinese? I'm not kidding. A Chinese woman represented the Dominican Republic. 17 Chinese people in the country and 6 of them play ping pong at a world class level.

Why is the degree of difficulty in the diving events only like 3.4 or 3.5 no matter how many twists and somersaults you do? What does it take for a 8.5 or 9.0 degree of difficulty? (See why I hate judging sports?) I still want to see someone do a straight Superman dive.

What the hell is Jackie Chan doing at the closing ceremonies? And how come he wasn't competing in taekwondo or something? By the way, doesn't 'closing' imply that it will end soon? It's been approximately 13 hours since the closing ceremony started and still going strong.

2008-08-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

I had a plan to run for President of the United States in 2016. I now have a new plan. I want to be Vice-President of the United States in 2016.

This way, I don't have to deal with running a long campaign. I don't even have to do any work to establish myself on the national level, as VP's always seem to come out of nowhere. I just have to present myself as a good looking likable guy that can help the presidential nominee get some votes. (I'm listed as an independent, so I can potentially work with the Dems and the GOP. Switch hitting politician!) I can pull in the entire Asian Nascar voting block by myself.

I'm not sure about the actual duties, but I think the VP gets to do all the work the President doesn't want to do. Stuff like reading the fine print in international treaties, showing dignitaries from Nigeria around Washington DC, and keeping tabs on our nuclear warheads. I hope the VP gets to run the White House softball team. I guess there's also official stuff like break ties in the Senate and take over the Oval Office in case the President has a heart attack, but there still should be enough time in the workday to check up on my fantasy soccer team and buy a few items on ebay. (I mean aside from starting wars and leaking secrets, what has Cheney done? Does anyone really know?)

I'm going to start sucking up to politicians and superdelegates now. Remember to vote for (insert 2016 presidential nominee here) and me in 2016!

2008-08-18T15:48:00.001-07:00

This is why spider burning should be left to professionals like myself. If it were an Olympic sport, I would be guaranteed a medal. I'm that good.

2008-08-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

Cough cough....

I thought I was cured a few years ago, but apparently not. Olympic fever has come back. A week or so ago, I wasn't that interested in the Olympics. It was all Michael Phelps, the USA men's basketball team, and a bunch of people I don't know. I usually just look forward to the track and field events so I can talk smack about how I would have beat this guy or that girl in the race.

I saw part of the billion dollar production that was the Opening Ceremonies. I'm watching women's soccer at 4am followed by team handball at 5am. I'm rooting for the mixed doubles badminton team from Korea. I'm even watching women from Brazil and Greece compete in beach volleyball on the Spanish channel. (Okay, I might watch that even if it weren't the Olympics.) I hate gymnastics and yet I now feel like I am qualified to judge floor exercises and high bar.

Go world.