Mad Cal Olympic Ranting

Paul Hamm

I still don't know why his name is pronounced differently than Mia Hamm. But when I think of Paul Hamm and his gold medal, I think about a movie called Best of the Best. It was about a team of American martial artists (I think it was taekwondo) who went to South Korea to fight in an international competition between the two countries. The main character was named Tommy Lee and he was the best fighter on the American team. The competition is a series of 5 individual matches, with the side scoring the most cumulative points being the winner.

Tommy, being the best, is the anchor on the US team. After 4 matches, I think the Koreans are slightly ahead. But for his match, Tommy has to fight this bad-ass-eyepatch-wearing-Michael-Jordan-of-taekwondo-guy (The 1992 Chicago Bulls Jordan). Not only that, but this Korean taekwondo legend had killed Tommy's brother in a match just like this one many years ago, and that memory was burned in Tommy's head. With some encouraging words from his coach played by James Earl Jones, Tommy goes and start destroying his opponent. He beats him up bad. Finally, with 10 seconds left in the match, the dude can barely stand, his eyepatch fell off, and he was staggering in the center of the mat. THe US were down by a point, and with one punch or kick, Tommy could have avenged his brother and killed his arch-enemy and also won the competition for the Americans. But Tommy just stands there, unwilling to strike his helpless opponent. The Koreans win the tournament.

There is a ceremony where the Koreans are awarded gold medals. After receiving his medal, bad-ass eyepatch guy limps to the other side, takes the medal off his neck and places around Tommy's neck, saying he was the true champion and he was sorry for killing his brother. (At this point, all the other Koreans also hand their medals over the other Americans, even though the other Americans were clearly dominated in every match. I still don't understand that part.) Tommy accepts his apology and they become good friends and team up in Best of the Best 2. (I think there were a total of 4 Best of the Best movies, which is three too many. The first one is clearly the best of the Best of the Best movies.)

Anyways, I think Paul should have given the gold to the Korean guy. The USOC says Hamm deserves to keep his medal, but if it were Hamm who got screwed by a scoring error, don't you think the USOC would kick up a storm to get a gold?


Wake Me It Must Be A Bad Dream Team

They matched my prediction for the 1992 Dream Team, which is that Magic, Jordan, and Bird could have finished 5-3 with at least a bronze. At least the women's basketball team got a gold.

The US men failed for gold in hoops, but didn't even medal in volleyball, didn't play handball or football (soccer), and failed to qualify for baseball. The US women won golds in basketball, beach volleyball, and football (soccer). Does this mean that girls play with balls better than guys? Hmmm....


Race Walking

This is one of the stupidest events ever invented. We're going to race, but you can't run. It looks like a bunch of folks trying to get to a flight on time, but don't want to look foolish by running. So they walk by swinging their hips and arms really fast instead.


Taking a Dive

I hate events that have judges instead of actual scoring or timing, but I have been wondering what the degree of difficulty is on a bellyflop or cannonball. Or if you just walked straight off the platform and went straight in feet-first like a missle. I wish someone in 26th place or who had no chance to win would try stuff like this.