I've decided like most of the fake 'reality' shows, most awards shows suck. Seriously, what is the point of the Grammys, Emmys, or this Independent Spirit Awards that I keep seeing commercials on Bravo for? People in the music industry vote on the Grammys, peeps in the movie industry vote for the Oscars, so basically all the celebrities are telling each other how great they are.

All their acceptance speeches of these awards are lame.

-"Thank you" is actually short for "Thank you for making me rich, but please don't ask me for any of it, don't ask me for an autograph and/or picture, please don't ever come to my wedding/parties/house, in fact, stay out of my life."

-"I'd like to thank all my fans." Translation: "Thank you for making me rich, but please don't ask me for any of it, don't ask me for an autograph and/or picture, please don't ever come to my wedding/parties/house, in fact, stay out of my life."

-"I would like to thank God" can usually be better translated "I'd like to thank God for making me rich, but please don't ask me for any of it, don't ask me for an autograph and/or picture, please don't ever come to my wedding/parties/house, in fact, stay out of my life."

The few award show I do kind of enjoy are the MTV ones and the ESPY's. At least the fans actually get to vote on the winners, so it seems less stuck-up. If I ever have the chance to give an acceptance speech at one of these award shows, I would take the trophy, pull a Sharpie out of my sock, sign the award, give it back to the presenter, then pull out a cell phone that was secretly placed beneath the podium and call for pizza.